A Poem by Alfred Brendel

The Coughers of Cologne

have joined forces with Cologne Clappers

and established the Cough and Clap Society

a non-profit-making organization

whose aim it is

to guarantee each concertgoer’s right

to cough and applaud

Attempts by unfeeling artists and impresarios

to question such privileges

have led to a Coughers and Clappers initiative

Members are required to applaud

immediately after sublime codas

and cough distinctly

during expressive silences

Distinct coughing is of paramount importance

to stifle or muffle it

forbidden on pain of expulsion

Coughers of outstanding tenacity

are awarded the Coughing Rhinemaiden

a handsome if slightly baroque appendage

to be worn around the neck

The C & C’ recent merger

with the New York Sneezers

and the London Whistlers

raises high hopes

for Cologne’s musical future.